i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
