I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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