I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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