I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
