The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
