Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
