eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
