Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
