The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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