Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize