debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
