he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Couch. On fire.
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