Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
