I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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