my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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