this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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