I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
