How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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