I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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