Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
