i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
