I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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