I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
