No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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