cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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