I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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