sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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