I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
