Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
