I'm so fucking centered right now
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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