ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
