The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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