his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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