Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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