so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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