she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
