he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize