there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
