i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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