I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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