Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
...so i touched it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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