just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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