Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
