I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
