just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't shave. On purpose
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
