She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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