That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
