these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
