summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
