I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
