i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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