Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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