Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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