At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize