Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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