I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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