He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
