why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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