who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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