So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
