I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
