All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
