I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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