can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
