I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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