Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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