a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
third nipple confirmed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
